Right now in my life, I'm being forced to deal with some deep issues I've repressed inside of me that effect me negatively. Don't get me wrong, I love my life, I'm happy, and I'm a strong woman, but I still have some things I still haven't given to God yet. You see, I THOUGHT I had dealt with my mess..lol But at this point I can see that I've been repressing some feelings that need to be healed. Have you seen the movie Night of The Living Dead? Well some feelings and emotions I buried are sticking their head and hands up out of the grave and I have to deal with them now!
I'm writing this blog because I am a very transparent person when it comes to my life because I wish I had someone to show me and tell me how to come out of my mess and get whole...but everyone I was around was bound. So I wanna help you get free of some stuff as I get free of some stuff too.
I don't know what feelings or negative emotions you've been trying to bury, but when you repress your negative emotions, you also repress your ability to love. The first thing you have to do is get real with yourself and what is bothering you. Look into the mirror of your heart and face these issues head on. If you are in any kind of relationship or friendship that is going somewhere, you have to tell the truth. Telling the complete truth is different from being honest or not lying. Many times you tell the truth but leave out the important parts.lol Or, if you don't like the truth, you create a new truth. Do you ever smile when you are really angry? Have you ever acted mean and angry when deep inside you were really afraid? Do you ever laugh and make light of something when you feel very sad and rejected? Have you ever blamed another when you were the one feeling guilty? Me too!lol This is what I mean by not telling the complete truth.
Communicating the complete truth about your feelings is the first step in resolving emotional tension and enriching your relationships with others. Before you can communicate the truth about what you feel, you have to know what you are feeling in the first place. We as people are experts at hiding the truth about how we really feel. You can become so good at hiding the truth and suppressing who you really are that you start to believe your own lies. Your ability to feel love is directly proportional to your ability to tell the complete truth. The more truth you have in your life, the more love you will experience. Honest relationships with direct and effective communication are a source of increasing love and self-esteem because people are loving you for who you really are and not for who you're pretending to be...and that feels good. Many times we seek out relationships in order to protect ourselves from the truth. We have a sign up saying "If you don't tell me the truth, then I won't tell you the truth." These type of relationships are comfortable but don't help you grow because no one is being real about how they really feel.
When you're not honest with yourself and when you're not honest with the people you care about, it's like not watering a plant --you end up killing something that once was alive and growing. Why? Because you're covering up painful issues and not dealing with them...and as much as you try and think you're hiding them, you're not. They may not be able to put a finger on what's going on with you, but they know something is wrong. And until you deal with it, it will effect the relationship. The result of holding back the truth from someone you care for is that you end up holding back the love as well. After some time in a relationship where the truth is not expressed, you will look back and wonder: "What happened to that juicy feeling? Where did the magic go?, maybe even "Where Did The Love Go?"
The answer is that the love and magic are buried under piles of uncommunicated emotions. You simply cannot repress your negative feelings (anger, fear, hurt, guilt) and expect the positive emotions to remain alive. There is no way you can repress your emotions and it not effect your relationships or friendships. Once again I must say that when you numb yourself to your undesirable emotions, you are numbing your ability to feel positive emotions as well. I think that's why when I get excited or get a special surprise, people couldn't see my happiness on my outer surface even though I was bubbling with joy on the inside. I've been repressing my emotions for years and it just became a part of me. I cried ALONE, I confided in GOD ALONE and it was natural for me to handle things alone.
So basically I'm writing this blog to tell you everytime you suppress a feeling you don't want to deal with, you are systematically destroying your ability to express your emotions, and step by step you are killing the passion in all your relationships. It's time to deal with those memories, hurts, and pains, you try to forget, but are actually living everyday because you haven't let go of the past yet. You can't conquer what you won't confront.
*The word tells us to LOVE our neighbor AS we love ourselves. But how can we love our neighbor when we don't love ourselves? To It's time to let go. This blog is about opening up the casket and facing every emotion we tried to bury so we can face them head on and move forward. My next blog will be about Healing those repressed feelings...stay tuned.
I'm still in the book 'What You Feel, You Can Heal' by John Gray. Some of what I wrote came from the book and is inspired by this book. Get it, it'll change your life. Thanks for reading.