Envy & Jealousy

Envy is a terrible thing! It's ungratefulness at its finest! It makes u hate the blessings some1 else has...it makes u strongly feel u should have it more than them. It makes you count everyone else's blessings but your own. Envy made the enemy say "I should be the 1 on the throne" "I should be the 1 they worship" Look where that got him. Dr. Mike Murdock has a quote that says "The quickest cure for ingratitude is loss." Don't let it take you losing something to realize how blessed you are, how good you really have it.

Lesson: U have something of great value! Don't compare. Love your own self. Be happy w/who u are in spite of what u don't have bc if u had to go through what they did 2 be where they are, u'd think twice. Don't take what you have for granted. Good things are coming to you that you can't even imagine. So careful being jealous, because what's coming to you may be even better than what you 'think' you want. Feel me? But you'll never get it being jealous and envious. Be grateful.

God Bless,

Shei Atkins

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How To Love Yourself

First off I wanna start this off by letting your know that you young lady are beautiful. You young man are handsome. You are smart, you are unique. You are good enough inspite of what anyone told you. There is only one you. God made you. God loves you and there's nothing you can do about it.

I'm writing this blog because we hear alot that we should love ourselves and that we can't love someone else the way they need to be loved if we don't even love ourselves. The question is do you love yourself? Do you love what you see when u look in the mirror...without all the makeup...weave...accessories...butt pads...etc? Do you appreciate your gifts and talents? Don't admire everyone else and look down on yourself. I'm talking about the real you.

If you really want to change the world, if you really want to experience that life you’ve always desired, you must first love yourself fully, because all the advice in the world won’t matter if you don’t.

It won’t always be be easy, but your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you will ever have.

1. If you really wanna love yourself, first you gotta stop comparing yourself to others and realize God made you the way he felt you should be.
Embrace the real you. God made some of us big boned, thin, athletic builds, pear shapes, etc. Don't compare...just be the best you you can be. Be the best big boned you you can be. You can't enjoy your life envying someone else's. No one can take your place. Please remember that. As you stop comparing and appreciate what u have and who u are, u'll attract more positive people and situations into your life. You'll attract people that love you for who you are. Only when you stop comparing yourself to others can then you then begin to love yourself.

2. You gotta stop seeking approval.
Seeking approval is similar to comparing yourself to others, and it’s fair to say that we all do it from time to time. I’m not going to lie and say I’ve never sought approval from my family or friends and what we call 'church folk', etc, but I’m also going to tell you that when approval was my main focus those were also not the happiest times in my life. Yes, when I was busy trying please everybody else, I was the one who ended up unhappy.

Over the past 3 years or so, I’ve come to realize that my career path probably won’t be the most accepted by previous fans and some church folk...maybe even some family members. My next album I'm doing is an R&B album...in previous years, I've been known as a 'gospel artist'. I'm an entrepreneur..so those who feel I should go to school, get a degree and a 9 to 5 don't understand what I do because this road is not easy..but the pay off is awesome. Yet, I’ve come to discover that when you continuously seek approval from others to validate your own self worth, you’re simply damaging your relationship with yourself. I’ve accepted that my line of work might not be the ‘safest’ but I’m OK with that.
This doesn't just apply to working though...this applies to relationships as well. Stop seeking approval by being something you're not to be loved by someone. If someone can't love you for who you are, they don't deserve to be in your life. I don't care who it is. It's time for you to be happy...and you can't be happy living for everyone else but YOU. When you have an unhealthy relationship with "I", you attract unhealthy relationships with others. So until you start loving you, you'll settle for negative people who don't have your back for the sake of not being lonely. Enough is enough.

Not seeking approval doesn’t mean not to care. I can say without hesitation that I genuinely care about what my family and friends think, however it’s important you stop the process of seeking. When you rely on being happy from an outside source, you're setting yourself up to be miserable.

3. Next, you gotta believe in yourself.
Loving and believing in yourself go hand in hand. You can’t love yourself if you don’t believe in yourself, and you can’t believe in yourself if you don’t love yourself first. Believe in you. I don't care if you're a cook. You better cook with confidence and joy. You might be a salesman in a clothing store. You better sale with confidence and be the best at what you do. You may be a receptionist. You better answer that phone and work it.lol Do you and do it well. To fully experience what it means to live, you must have a confidence in all you do, even during the times in which you come up short.

Believing in yourself can be hard at times, especially when nothing seems to be going right, but it is during those times that you need your own love the most.
The wonderful about believing in yourself is that you are the only one responsible. You don’t need a stamp of approval before you can to begin to have faith in yourself.

Trust in your judgement and know that through both the good and bad you are good enough and you are worthy.

4. Forgive Yourself
I’ve gone through a period of my life where I was extremely hard on myself. I couldn't love myself and I couldn't embrace God's love because I didn't feel I was worthy of it. My emotions were everywhere and I thought I was crazy...literally. I was acting out. I was bitter. I was hurt and I hurt people around me because of it. Every little mistake I made, I quickly amplified it into something much larger than it really was. I didn’t realize it at the time, but the fact that I didn’t forgive myself was preventing me from connecting with who I really was.

I know people who have carried their mistakes with them their entire life, and as result they remain unhappy at the core. I know what it’s like to make a mistake and feel like you shouldn’t be forgiven, but that kind of thinking is nonsense. There is no action not worthy of forgiveness. Forgiveness may take time, but don’t look back at your mistakes as a fatal flaw you must fix, instead choose to embrace them completely as the whole person you are.

Forgiving yourself for your mistakes and shortcomings can be difficult and does take practice, but it remains essential in loving yourself fully.

5. Give yourself some 'Me Time'
Everyone may not agree with this part..but I do...mostly because this is naturally my personality. But I believe you don't have to have people around you all the time. I feel it's important to make time for you and just practice silence and self reflect. Some of my happiest moments have occurred when I’m simply sitting in silence by myself. While I can be a very social person at times, I also have to have my alone time. For me, this sometimes means meditation, prayer, worship, or sometimes I’ll just go for a long walk or go to the bookstore and just chill. Practicing silence allows for you to get a glimpse of the person you really are.

I know the act of spending time alone may not qualify as love for some people, but I feel I’m most connected with myself spiritually when I’m still.
You owe it to yourself to be silent at least once a day.

6. U Gotta take care of your body through eating healthy and exercising.
Part of loving yourself is allowing your body to be in its top form. An occasional indulgence in alcohol or some fast food isn’t the end of the world but making a habit of destroying your body is. Many don’t realize, but your relationship to your physical body and mind is very important.

Truly loving yourself means that you take care of your body and do everything you can to keep it in good shape, both physically and mentally. Don’t expect to have a good relationship with yourself if you abuse the machine consistently.

A few years ago, I realized that I wasn’t taking as much care of my body as I should be. It took me gaining 30 pounds twice and losing it to understand the cycle I was in. I gained the weight because I can admit that I'm an emotional eater and when I get comfortable or close to a goal...I tend to slack off. So after losing the 30 pounds again, I did what I had to do to keep the weight off and ensure I'd never gain that weight without any kids to show for it. I became a personal trainer..lol While it’s only been a few years, I’ve noticed the benefits of going to the gym and eating healthy on the regular..plus I've kept the weight off. Small steps make a massive difference.

7. Use your gifts/talents
One of the greatest ways you can love yourself is to express your gifts, whatever they may be. Finding and honing your brilliance is a way to reveal what it is that makes you remarkable. Do you enjoy to write? Share your stories with the world. Do you like to draw? Paint until your hearts content. Do you like helping people find their purpose? Do so by connecting with as many people as you can. It doesn’t matter what your passions are, express them to the best of your ability.

Unfortunately, Some people chose not to express their talents and passions because they feel as if they might get ridiculed or made fun of. But the reality is, failing to express yourself is failing to love yourself. Loving yourself comes down to expression.

Do me a favor...Make each day a day in which you continue to deepen your relationship with yourself and experience the life you know you were meant to live. The world depends on you to love yourself.

I love myself.

The more important question is, do you?

Being Passive Gets You Passed Up!

This post is to share what I've learned in life about being passive and how it can help you get what you need and want out of a situations. Tired of getting taken for granted? Ladies...are you tired of sleeping with men who force themselves on you when you really didn't wanna do it but was just afraid to SPEAK UP?! Tired of holding back your true feelings because you're afraid to SPEAK UP? Men, tired of given in to the pressure of what you really don't wanna do because you won't SPEAK UP?

I made up a quote that says "Being passive gets you passed up". And it's so true. I've missed out on sooo many things because I didn't speak up. I didn't speak up because I could see that the people didn't really wanna do whatever it was that I needed. But that's called being passive. If you want something or need something done, you've got to speak up...whether the people want to do it or not. The Bible says you have not because you ask not.

If you wanna make it in any kind of business, you'll get run over if you don't speak your mind. You've got to boldly ask for what you want. You've got to speak up and say "I don't like this" or "I don't like that". You've got to speak up and say "I will not tolerate you treating or talking to me like this"...whatever it is that needs to be said. See, you gotta know your worth, because some people will treat you like they know you need them. They'll treat you any kind of way because they feel they are all you've got. Sometimes you gotta let'em know.lol If you've been passive all your life, this won't be easy...but you've got to do/say something different to get different results. This isn't about being mean, it's about being true to yourself. I've seen cases where people let outside forces run their ship and weren't happy about it but never said anything. That's what happens when you're passive. Controlling people can smell passive people a mile away and they'll leech on to you and control your life. Next thing you know, you'll be asking yourself "How did I become a passenger in my own life?" Because you won't speak up! I've been let down so many times for not saying what I really wanted to say. I've taken crap from people that I wouldn't take now. Since I knew people didn't really want to do it, I was grateful for the 'little' that they did do for me. NO!lol That mentality will get your butt passed up.

So, from this point on, heel shaking and all, make up your mind that you will say what you mean, and mean what you say, just don't say it mean. You deserve to be respected and if they disrespect you, then find somebody else to do the job. But you gotta respect YOU first because sometimes people treat you how they see you treat yourself and feel they're doing 'little ole' you a favor. Close mouths don't get fed. And remember, what you fail to ask for will be something you fail to get.

Lessons From The Storm

Over the past few years and months, your girl has had some storms. If I haven't learned nothing else, I've learned about God's timing and that everything has it's season.

I've learned that God is always in the mist of our storms even if we don't see Him, feel Him or hear Him. The best illustration of this is the story of a man who had 3 children, his house caught on fire and he ran out with his wife and two of the children, the third child was upstairs. The father called to the son to jump into his arms, but the smoke was so thick that the son said, "I can't see you daddy!" but the father said to the son, " But I can see you Son!" jump and I will catch you. Sometimes during the storm we can't see God, but He always sees us and is waiting for us to jump into His arms.

I learned the days I took the time to spend in God's presence and in His Word were that best days and that PRAYER WORKS!

I learned that a lot of things I got angry and upset about really didn't matter. In the storm the little things stay the little things. I ask myself, "In five years, will this matter?"

I learned what true humility is and I work daily to keep any kind of pride out of my life...not always easy...

I learned to love unconditionally, be less judgemental and critical.

I learned to love people just as they are.

I learned to be grateful and thankful for the little and simple things in life. A smile, a hug, a caring e-mail, an unexpected card in the mail, a child's laugh, a good laugh, a butterfly, just knowing you have family and friends that love and care about you and of course a cup of rasberry tea and some gummi bears will work. :)

I learned that God really doesn't give us more than we can handle, it just feels like it at the time.

I learned that I am stronger than I thought.

I learned life isn't always fair, but God is always Good.

I learned life is too short to waste time being angry at anyone.

I learned to have a good sense of humor even when there was nothing to laugh about.

I learned not to take myself too seriously.

I learned I don't have to win every argument.

I learned not to compare my life to others because I really don't know what they are really going through.

I learned no one is in charge of my happiness but me.

I learned that what I want isn't always best at the time and to surrender it to God...because He knows what's best.

I learned to speak up for myself when needed because some storms could have been prevented had I said something..like NO...lol

I learned to forgive everyone of everything

I learned to treasure every family member and friend in my life and to ask them for prayer support and help when I needed it.

I learned that negative thoughts, people and attitudes could not be part of my life.

I learned to help others in their storm during my storm.

Take some time to reflect on what you learned from past storms and what God is trying to teach you during your present storm. Remember to always be grateful and don't take for granted how blessed you are. You have it better than you think you do. Somewhere, someone is praying for what you have. Thanks for reading. :)

Healing What's Been Hidden

Last blog I talked about opening up the casket and facing the issues we buried but are still alive. Are you ready to be healed? Aren't you tired of peeling off the scabs of your wounds by reliving the hurtful and painful situation in your mind. The other day, I took some time to just cry and release some stuff in God's presence. I think that would be a great start for you too. I feel so much better after I pray and worship. You'd think I'd do it more often...just being real. My burden was released and I feel good...in my James Brown voice!lol

Letting Go is a lifetime process because there will always be someone to forgive and something you need to let go of, and we can't afford to carry dead weight. So do me a favor and just get in God's presence and release whatever is weighing you down. Put on a worship song or something that relates to what you're going through. If you're walking in unforgiveness, the Bible says that you can't experience God's forgiveness and until you forgive, you'll be tormented in your spirit and mind. That may be what you're experiencing right now. Torment of the mind is when you're constantly thinking about what happened, you can't sleep, you're depressed, and you just have a heaviness on you that you just can't shake. Give it to God today. It's okay to cry. Crying is a release. God made tear ducts for a reason.

Now, back to the subject at hand. An intimate relationship is the ideal setting for healing repressed feelings. You learn a lot about yourself in a relationship or friendship. When you have the right people around you, you're able to be vulnerable with them and grow at the same time without worrying about them looking at you any different. When you find someone you feel safe with and loved by, all your repressed feelings begin to surface in an attempt to be healed. Through honest and loving personal relationships, you can not only learn to master the everyday tension which arises between you and another person, but you can use the relationship as an opportunity to heal old hurts, which will allow you to become a more powerfully loving and lovable person.

Healing your feelings is an ongoing process. Whenever you get to a new level of love and closeness in your relationships, a new level of deeply repressed feelings will surface in order to be healed. When you are living alone in your own separate world, it is very easy to continue repressing your feelings. This is why some people avoid relationships. It would take them too much effort and energy to continue repressing their feelings around another person. These people can only stand relationships for a certain amount of time and then they leave either physically or emotionally, by shutting down their feelings altogether. You know you are resisting dealing with some repressed feelings when you leave your partner and feel relief.

This is why so many people cry for space in relationships. They walk around with all these repressed emotions, are pretty successful at holding them down until they see the person they're dealing with, or the person they come home to. As soon as they start to open up, all of the unexpressed feelings of the day begin to surface. Rather than deal with them, it is simpler to just stay shut down.

So start being honest with yourself and your feelings. Telling the complete truth means admitting doubt when you'd rather pretend certainty, talking about your feelings when you'd rather pout, asking for what you want when you'd rather pretend everything's fine, admitting you made a mistake when you'd rather blame someone else, and sharing your hurt and sadness when you'd rather stop caring. Let Go and let God. We're in this thing together.

Face The Truth, Don't Run From It

Right now in my life, I'm being forced to deal with some deep issues I've repressed inside of me that effect me negatively. Don't get me wrong, I love my life, I'm happy, and I'm a strong woman, but I still have some things I still haven't given to God yet. You see, I THOUGHT I had dealt with my mess..lol But at this point I can see that I've been repressing some feelings that need to be healed. Have you seen the movie Night of The Living Dead? Well some feelings and emotions I buried are sticking their head and hands up out of the grave and I have to deal with them now!

I'm writing this blog because I am a very transparent person when it comes to my life because I wish I had someone to show me and tell me how to come out of my mess and get whole...but everyone I was around was bound. So I wanna help you get free of some stuff as I get free of some stuff too.

I don't know what feelings or negative emotions you've been trying to bury, but when you repress your negative emotions, you also repress your ability to love. The first thing you have to do is get real with yourself and what is bothering you. Look into the mirror of your heart and face these issues head on. If you are in any kind of relationship or friendship that is going somewhere, you have to tell the truth. Telling the complete truth is different from being honest or not lying. Many times you tell the truth but leave out the important parts.lol Or, if you don't like the truth, you create a new truth. Do you ever smile when you are really angry? Have you ever acted mean and angry when deep inside you were really afraid? Do you ever laugh and make light of something when you feel very sad and rejected? Have you ever blamed another when you were the one feeling guilty? Me too!lol This is what I mean by not telling the complete truth.

Communicating the complete truth about your feelings is the first step in resolving emotional tension and enriching your relationships with others. Before you can communicate the truth about what you feel, you have to know what you are feeling in the first place. We as people are experts at hiding the truth about how we really feel. You can become so good at hiding the truth and suppressing who you really are that you start to believe your own lies. Your ability to feel love is directly proportional to your ability to tell the complete truth. The more truth you have in your life, the more love you will experience. Honest relationships with direct and effective communication are a source of increasing love and self-esteem because people are loving you for who you really are and not for who you're pretending to be...and that feels good. Many times we seek out relationships in order to protect ourselves from the truth. We have a sign up saying "If you don't tell me the truth, then I won't tell you the truth." These type of relationships are comfortable but don't help you grow because no one is being real about how they really feel.

When you're not honest with yourself and when you're not honest with the people you care about, it's like not watering a plant --you end up killing something that once was alive and growing. Why? Because you're covering up painful issues and not dealing with them...and as much as you try and think you're hiding them, you're not. They may not be able to put a finger on what's going on with you, but they know something is wrong. And until you deal with it, it will effect the relationship. The result of holding back the truth from someone you care for is that you end up holding back the love as well. After some time in a relationship where the truth is not expressed, you will look back and wonder: "What happened to that juicy feeling? Where did the magic go?, maybe even "Where Did The Love Go?"

The answer is that the love and magic are buried under piles of uncommunicated emotions. You simply cannot repress your negative feelings (anger, fear, hurt, guilt) and expect the positive emotions to remain alive. There is no way you can repress your emotions and it not effect your relationships or friendships. Once again I must say that when you numb yourself to your undesirable emotions, you are numbing your ability to feel positive emotions as well. I think that's why when I get excited or get a special surprise, people couldn't see my happiness on my outer surface even though I was bubbling with joy on the inside. I've been repressing my emotions for years and it just became a part of me. I cried ALONE, I confided in GOD ALONE and it was natural for me to handle things alone.

So basically I'm writing this blog to tell you everytime you suppress a feeling you don't want to deal with, you are systematically destroying your ability to express your emotions, and step by step you are killing the passion in all your relationships. It's time to deal with those memories, hurts, and pains, you try to forget, but are actually living everyday because you haven't let go of the past yet. You can't conquer what you won't confront.

*The word tells us to LOVE our neighbor AS we love ourselves. But how can we love our neighbor when we don't love ourselves? To It's time to let go. This blog is about opening up the casket and facing every emotion we tried to bury so we can face them head on and move forward. My next blog will be about Healing those repressed feelings...stay tuned.

I'm still in the book 'What You Feel, You Can Heal' by John Gray. Some of what I wrote came from the book and is inspired by this book. Get it, it'll change your life. Thanks for reading.

Ever Wondered Why We as People Do Some of The Things We Do? We Just Wanna Be Loved...

I'm writing this blog today bc I revisited a book I had bought not too long ago called "What You Feel, You Can Heal". I bought this book because I was dealing with some issues from my past and needed to be free and wanted to learn how to deal with my issues instead of trying to bury them all the time. Everyone of us have been hurt but we've gone through different situations in our lives that have affected us all differently.

I found this book interesting and wanted to share this particular chapter I read about how we as people do things just for the approval or love from others. We all have learned and adopted various behavioral strategies designed to get the approval and love we need. One thing all of us need and desire is... LOVE. The book was saying that the strategies we use to get the attention we want has become a role we play, or personality type that we have learned to act out whether consciously or unconsciously.

See if you can find yourself in any of these roles I'm about to list. I also give you a solution so that you can take off the mask and be yourself from this point on if you are not. Facing the truth and dealing with your insecurites will help you heal as a person.

1. The Performer
This person was given a lot of love for performing and excelling as a child. Performance is the assumed condition for love and recognition. He is always trying to measure up to the expectations of others and many times self-imposes even higher expectations. He always feels pressured and driven to achieve and there is no time for rest. He cannot tolerate weakness or stupidity in himself or others and tends to be very critical.

Secretly, the Perfomer feels he can never be good enough, since there is always room for more growth. This type may become very attached to people and positions, since a secret fear of rejection or abandonment motivates this behaviour. He generally feels responsible for everything.

Solution: The Performer needs to relax more and discover that he can be loved even when he is not performing. Take more vacations and read romantic novels. Give yourself a break - the high blood pressure isn't worth it.

2. The Critic
The Critic is preoccupied with finding, pointing out and talking about the faults of others. He rejoices in criticizing and belittling those around him. He may hate part of himself, projecting that quality onto others and then becoming extremely critical and judgmental of them. Whenever he is afraid of being judged, he is quick to retaliate with a string of judgements, often sarcastic in nature. For him, the best defense is a strong and critical offense.

The Critic is obsessed with changing or even punishing others in a subconscious attemtp to change himself. He is able to soothe his own feelings of inadequacy by proving the shortcomings of others.

Solution:If you have these traits, try to begin seeing yourself in all those that you judge and criticize. Imagine yourself in their footsteps -- look for a way in which you are like them. Then forgive yourself and forgive them for not being perfect. Just as you are good at finding reasons to separate, try finding reasons to feel connected to them.

3. The Boaster
This person compensated for low self-esteem by always exaggerating the truth and bragging. While growing up, he learned that to get attention he had to dramatize and enlarge the truth. The Boaster doesn't plan to lie ---it happens automatically. Even if the real truth is worthy of attention, he must enlarge it.
Deep inside, the Boaster feels he is not good enough to warrant love and attention. He feels the truth is never enough for him to achieve the recognition he needs in his own eyes and in the eyes of others, so he stretches the truth.
The Boaster can never trust the love of others, for deep inside he knows he is lying. The closer people get, the more secretive and defensive he becomes. And the more he boasts, the less he trusts the attention and appreciation he gets.

Solution: The Boaster needs to practice being very accurate in what he says. He should find someone who truly does care for him and share with that person all the lies and pretenses he can remember and see that he can be loved for who he really is. The Boaster must learn to trust again, both himself and others. He needs consisten and honest feedback. To be easy on him is not doing him any service.

4. The Victim
This person was generally hurt very deeply at a young age and got a lot of sympathy. The Victim feels unworthy of love and support unless it is preceded by a great mishap or tragedy. Whenever something bad happens to the Victim, you can bet that the story gets a lot of mileage. If you are getting a lot of love, attention and sympathy by telling your Victim stories, watch out --you are reinforcing a pattern of getting love through experiencing and communication about pain and suffering. So if your stories get old and you want some love, presto! You will create a new dramatic tragedy. You might even use getting sick as a way of getting more love.

Solution: The Victim feels powerless in life and tries to control people by making them feel guilty. He refused to take responsibility for his life, so, quite subconsciously, others get sucked into trying to please the Victim and make him happy. The Victim MUST learn to develop his own personal power through taking responsibility for his life. He must resolve his stored-up, repressed anger and practice forgiving others.

5. The Nice Person
This person is always good-tempered, cheerful and very agreeable. He makes a great friend and generally has a lot of friends and acquaintances. The Nice Person learned early in life that compliance brings a reward, a smile or an embrace. He submits to every rule and regulation with mechanical precision. He is always doing what he 'should' be doing, intent on pleasing others, saying 'yes' to everyone. The Nice person never gets angry, but learns to accept and adapt to every situation. He never rocks the boat.

On the surface, the Nice Person is happy and content to be a part of the group, but inside his empty and alone. He is very afraid of being himself, for to do what he wants means risking disapproval. So, he has lost touch with what he really wants and who he really is. He has done everything right and according to the rules, but secretly feels controlled and cheated, lifeless and bored.
The Nice Person is trapped --- he can never really open up because others would find out he is really not so noce. By being nice, he has successfully repressed his own special uniqueness and has become a non-person.

Solution: The Nice Person needs to practice saying 'no' and meaning it. He needs to learn to express his anger. He must risk showing the not-so-nice person inside and see that not only will others still love him but that they may even feel closer to him because now he is more real.

6. The Self-Righteous Person
This person has learned that if he is wrong, people will not love him and will consider him bad. In order to get love, he attempts to be right at ALL costs. He can NEVER admit that he is wrong, for to confess his faults and failures would mean the loss of love and would be very painful to him. The Self-righteous Person often tries to make others wrong in order to be right himself. He has a rational excuse for everything he does. He could even become a great teacher. But don't try to have an argument with the Self-righteous Person because it will sound more like he is lecturing you on why you are wrong and he is right.

Solution: The Self-righteous Person needs to start practice saying "I'm Sorry", whenever he makes a mistake, even when he has a great excuse. Rationalization and justification are favorite ways of avoiding feelings, especially the feeling of guilt. This person needs to learn that others will love him, even if he is wrong or makes a mistake.

7. The Angry Person
This person walks around with a chip on his shoulder. For him, anger is a protection; it is a roar to scare away adversity. The Angry Person feels an inner inadequacy and is always trying to protect himself. To compensate for that feeling of inadequacy, he refuses to be adequately satisfied by the outer world. Nothing can please him. He projects his own inadequacy everywhere, hence feeling frustrated and bitter towards the world.

The Angry Person feels ripped off by life and is constantly trying to get even. He gets angry to the drop of a hat and remembers every injustice he has ever experienced. He delights in the shortcomings and failings of others and thus becomes overly competitive.

Solution: The Angry Person is stuck in feelings of anger and blame as a cover-up for his own feelings of inadequacy and hurt. He must learn that he still deserves love even if he is inadequate in certain areas. Each day he should practice forgiveness. Through loving and forgiving others, he will learn to truly love and forgive himself.

8. The Fake
This person has played so many roles he doesn't know who he is anymore. Behind every mask is another. He is always acting according to how others will receive him. The Fake will not risk controversy. He is an expert at impressing others in order to be liked. He plays the roles he thinks others want him to play and in the process becomes a hypocrite and a fraud.

Solution: The Fake probably never felt appreciated for being himself while growing up, so he decided that in order to get love, he had to be someone else, whomever others wanted him to be. Unfortunately, he cna never trust anyone's love or appreciation, because deep inside he knows he is a fake and that others don't knwo who he really is.

9. The Believer
This person has become so dependent on others for truth that he doesn't believe his own feelings. He learned growing up that to receive live, he merely has to agree and believe what others tell him. If you have a common belief, then the Believer is your friend, and if you contradict his belief, you are his enemy. The Believer loves to give away his won power and responsibility to others who can solve his problems for him. He expects you to love him because he agrees with you. If you disappoint the Believer's unrealistic expectations, he will withdraw his love and support.

The Believer has never gotten over the fact that his parents were not perfect. He always has high hopes, but is inevitably let down by others, and will continue to be until he starts to believe in himself.

Solution: The Believer must learn to take responsibility for his own life and forgive all the people who have let him down. He should question all he believes, and relate it to his own personal experience. The Believer needs to learn to trust his own feelings, instincts, and choices and look to himself as the source of wisdom and power in his life.

10. The Shy Person
This person's basic reaction to other people is fear. He fears their criticism, he fears their evaluation of him as a failure and he fears their inevitable rejection in the end. The Shy Person has little confidence that he is lovable to others. He has been taught that people will only accept him under certain conditions and if those conditions aren't present, he fears rejection. He may be an incredible musician or performer on stage, but offstage he becomes shy and insecure.

Solution: The Shy Person must learn to take risks. He should practice visualizing a risk and then act it out, gradually building up more confidence in himself and dispelling his fear of others. He needs to come out more and learn to trust himself and others again.

11. The Show-off
The Show-off believes what he does or possesses will make up for what he fails to be himself. He seeks to compensate for his own lack of self-esteem by owning big things, hoping this will attract the attention and recognition he desperately needs. To the Show-off, money is the symbol of love, and without it, he fears he will lose love. He cannot ask for love, but tries to buy it. Hi is unable to share his feelings directly, but does so by giving or withholding presents and material possessions.
Unfortunately, the Show-off never feels worthy of the love he does receive, because he knows he is being loved for his achievements and possessions and not for being himself. He often feels used and unappreciated.

Solution: The Show-off needs to practice sharing his feelings and allowing others to see who he is inside. He needs to work on his inner self-image and relax his outer image. Then he will learn that he can be loved for who he is and not for what he has or what he does.

12. The Loner
This person is always proving that he doesn't need others. At some some point while growing up, he didn't get the love and recognition he wanted, so he decided he didn't need it. The Loner has learned to become self-sufficient. Inside, he is an incredibly sensitive and caring spirit who has been hurt too many times. He has learned to 'care less', to be detached from his feelings, for to feel them would be too painful.
The Loner feels guilty for needing so much love and thus he denies his needs. "I can do it alone," he proudly proclaims. "I don't need you." Because he doesn't express his needs clearly, he is continually disappointed and hurt in relationships. He will also resent feeling obligated to satisty his partner's needs, just as he resents having his own needs. To the Loner, needs are a sign of weakness.
The easiest choice for the Loner is to just avoid relationships and live alone. The more he feels his needs, the more he will separate and retreat, thus pushing out the very love he needs so desperatley.

Solution: The Loner must learn to share his needs and to show his hurt and tears. He should reveal to others all of his secret expectaions and disappointments. Whenever he starts to sulk and retreat, he should find someone he cares about and share his feelings. The Loner needs to learn that need is not a dirty word and to find people in life who can fulfill his needs for love and appreciation.

13. The Sacrificer
This person learned that to love means to sacrifice or to give up for another. Probably while growing up, the Sacrificer's parents never let him forget how much they sacrificed and how they expected the same from him. For him, loving is a tiresome matter because to show his love, he must always do what he prefers not to do, or give up what he wants to keep.

The Sacrificer can never be what he wants to be, for that would be too selfish. For him, selfless giving is not giving with no strings attached, but it is a giving up or self-denial with a definite expectation of receiving the same in return. The Sacrificer expects the recipient of his love to return his gift of love through an equally painful sacrifice. "I suffered for you, so you suffer for me." For him, suffering is a virtue and is symbolic of true love.

Solution: The Sacrificer must leanr to lighten up the heavy loead he has placed on love and relationships. He needs to heal built-up repressed anger and resentment towards his parents and others and to forgive them for laying a "heavy guilt trip" on him. The Sacrificer needs to learn to give love freely without expecting equal sacrifice in return, and at the same time, he must remember not to give up his own needs and desires all the time.

Thanks for reading my blog and stay tuned for more real talk and tips to help you let go of some things so you can move forward.

Remember: Until you are aware of what you are doing, you have no choice but to continue doing. If you'd like to purchase this book, the author is John Gray and the name of the Book is "What You Feel, You Can Heal"

Newness of Life

Romans 6:4
Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.

Have you ever wondered why some people left you high and dry? Have you ever felt like great and bad things were happening to you and at the same time? Have you ever lost something or someone and couldn't understand what was actually going on in your life?

Well, I wanna let you know that God is giving you newness of life. God is doing a new thing in your life right now. God is positioning you because it's time to walk in a new season of life. It may be summer in the physical world...but fall in your natural life. There is a shedding of some things that were near and dear to your heart. God is removing everything you depended on outside of Him. God is taking you to a new level of growth and maturity in Him. These are the times where we seek God the hardest because we want answers. You wanna know what's next, and you know that there has to be more to life than what you're seeing right now.

My brother or sister, you're in a great place because God is putting pressure on you to keep you moving forward. Why? Because there is purpose in you and the more comfortable you are, the less you'll push to go further. So my word for you is don't question God. He's growing you up and giving you NEWNESS of LIFE. Embrace it and continue to worship Him and seek His face. Your life was already predestined and your steps are already ordered...but you have to seek Him so He can give you the next step for your life. He doesn't give it to you all at once. This is a faith journey and process. When you can't see your way, just keep following the ONE who is THE WAY.

Yes, they hurt you. Yes he/she left you. Yes your back is against the wall. Yes, they lied on you and lied to you. Yes, you have more bills than money. Yes, you have to cry yourself to sleep. Yes, you're afraid and can't trust anyone. Yes, things didn't go as planned. But God is with you every step. Walk into your new season. Let Go of dead weight and be free. It's your time.

God Bless You and Be Encouraged,
Shei Atkins

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More Clues To Your God Given Purpose

I told you I would reveal more clues to your assignment. You really have to understand that God brought you here to this earth to do a work. There are gifts and talents on the inside of you that will help solve somebody's problem. We're saved to save others. Everyone does not have to be a preacher behind the pullpit, but we are God's representatives in the earth. It's all about pleasing God with our lives. Fullfillment comes when you are living out your purpose. Let me give you some more clues to revealing your assignment.

5. What grieves you is a clue to something you are assigned to heal.
What grieves you? Battered wives? Abused and molested children? Ignorance? Disease? Poverty? Pornography? Homosexuality? Abortion? Name it. Be honest with yourself.

What makes you cry is a clue to a problem God has anointed you to change, conquer, and heal.
For example:
I hate to see marriages end in divorce, I hate to see young girls get led astray and end up in a spiritually dry place due to their decisions. I also hate to see people who are lost and don't know their way.
It reflects in my music because I give people wisdom on how to handle life situations the godly way so you know how to come out of depression and how to treat your spouse or even love yourself.

6. What you love is a clue to the gifts, skills, and wisdom you contain.
Love Births Wisdom.
Let me explain. When you have a love for children, a special wisdom begins to grow and develop in you toward children. You begin to understand their fears, tears, and desires. When you have a love for animals, you develop an intuition, a special wisdom for their behavior and conduct. You can sense what they are feeling. When you need wisdom in your marriage, love for your mate must be birthed first. Wisdom is the product of love.
So find what you truly and continuously love, and build your daily agenda around it. Discern your gifts. Name your calling. Whatever you are gifted to do is what you should be doing. What you truly love the most is a clue to a marvelous gift and quality inside of you.

7. Your assignment is geographical.
This one is very important. Where you are determines what grows within you. Your weaknesses or strengths require a climate. You cannot work on the wrong job, for the wrong boss, doing the wrong things for 40 hrs a week and wonder why two hours per week in church does not change your life! Geography plays a major role in every success story.

God will not bless you just anywhere you go. God will bless you, however, if you are willing to go anywhere in order to obey and please him! Where you are determines what grows withing you-weeds or flowers, strengths or weaknesses.
Have you noticed that when you are in the presence of certain friends you laugh at different jokes? Have you noticed the topic of conversation often changes, depending on the person you are around? When you are with the right people, the best comes out of you and the worst part will die. Your success is always linked to a Place: the place is your assignment.

Think about what you just read and I'll give you a few days to think and meditate on this before I reveal more clues to your assignment.

Sincerly,
Shei Atkins

(taken from Mike Murdock's "The Assignment")

Four Boyfriends

Four Boyfriends

Once upon a time there was a girl who had four boyfriends.

She loved the fourth boyfriend the most and adorned him with rich robes and treated him to the finest of delicacies. She gave him nothing but the best.

She also loved the third boyfriend very much and was always showing him off to neighboring kingdoms. However, she feared that one day he would leave her for another.

She also loved her second boyfriend. He was her confident and was always kind, considerate and patient with her. Whenever this girl faced a problem, she could confide in him, and he would help her get through the difficult times.

The girl's first boyfriend was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining her wealth and kingdom.. However, she did not love the first boyfriend. Although he loved her deeply, she hardly took notice of him!

One day, the girl fell ill and she knew her time was short. She thought of her luxurious life and wondered, 'I now have four boyfriends with me, but when I die, I'll be all alone.'

Thus, she asked the fourth boyfriend, 'I loved you the most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?'

'No way!', replied the fourth boyfriend, and he walked away without another word. His answer cut like a sharp knife right into her heart.

The sad girl then asked the third boyfriend, 'I loved you all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?' 'No!', replied the third boyfriend. 'Life is too good! When you die, I'm going to marry someone else!' Her heart sank and turned cold.

She then asked the second boyfriend, 'I have always turned to you for help and you've always been there for me. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?'

'I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!', replied the second boyfriend.. 'At the very most, I can only walk with you to your grave.' His answer struck her like a bolt of lightning, and the girl was devastated.

Then a voice called out: 'I'll go with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go.' The girl looked up, and there was her first boyfriend. He was very skinny as he had suffered from malnutrition and neglect.

Greatly grieved, the girl said, 'I should have taken much better care of you when I had the chance!'

In truth, you have four boyfriends in your lives:

Your fourth boyfriend is your body. No matter how much time and effort you lavish in making it look good, it will leave you when you die.

Your third boyfriend is your status, wealth and possessions. When you die, it will all go to others.

Your second boyfriend is your family and friends. No matter how much they have been there for you, the furthest they can stay by you is up to the grave.

And your first boyfriend is your spirit. Often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power and pleasures of the world.

However, your spirit is the only thing that will follow you where ever you go. Cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now, for it is the only part of you that will follow you to the throne of God and continue with you throughout Eternity.


Thought for the day:

Remember, when the world pushes you to your knees, you're in the perfect position to pray.

Pass this on to someone you care about - I just did.

Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect. It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.

The Need To Please

A wife comes home early to find her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

Yes, she was somewhat upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'

And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love so at least I can tell you what happened.'

'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'

And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the
car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car..

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but
don't wear because you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.'

The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said,

'Please ... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use? So there you have it.

Clues To Your God Given Assignment

It's the beginning of 2010 and right now it's time to walk in our purpose. How can some of us walk in our purpose if we don't know it. So I want to share some clues with you taken from Mike Murdock's Book "The Assignment" mixed in with some of my knowledge as well that blessed me so I know they'll bless you. Did you know that when you first set face on this earth your life was already mapped out by God.

Jeremiah 29:11 says: "I know what I have planned for you", says the Lord. "I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you a hope and a future. Then you will call my name. You will come to me and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will search for me. And when you search for me with all your heart, you will find me! I will let you find me," says the Lod. "And I will bring you back from your captivity."

I talk to a lot of people and they don't even know why they were put here on this earth. What happens is you end up making a living off of something you're not really happy doing and you end up settling. You're just doing it because you don't know what else to do. Based on Jeremiah 29:11, you have to seek God for your assignment and develop a relationship with him. Because of this close relationship you'll know his voice and he'll reveal more and more of your assignment.

Now if you are reading this blog and are at a point where you have NO clue of what God has called you to do and really want to know, I'm gonna give you a few clues to your assignment. I'll reveal a little more each blog.

A few things you need to know before you know your assignment:

1. Everything God Created Was Created To Solve A Problem Including You
Example:
Mechanics solve car problems
Dentists solve tooth problems
Lawyers solve legal problems
Mothers solve emotional problems
Accountants solve tax problems

2. You Are A Reward To Someone
(Somebody needs what you have been geen by God. Somebody is hungry and thirsty for your presence. Somebody will starve without you entering their life. Someone is literally dying emotionally,mentally, or spiritually, waiting for you to come along and rescue them. Somebody has been lying awake at night praying that God would send you into their life.

3. Your Assignment Is Not Your Decision But Your Discovery
You must have the mind of Christ to discern your assignment (1 Cor 2:16)
God has a plan for your life. His plan for your life will require your obedience and a personal decision on your part to cooperate. God decides what He desires for you to do. You decide your obedience. Predestination is the intention of God, not the decision of God. That means his will is not automatic foryou life. You have to do something.

4. What You Hate Is A Clue To Your Assignment
Anger is energy, power, and ability. Have you ever wondered why others were not angry about situations that infuriated you? Of course you have. This is a clue to your assignment. You cannot really change or correct something unless you have a God-given hatred for it, whether it is sickness, injustice, racial prejudice, poverty, divorce or abortion. What do you hate?
Example:
Moses Hated Slavery. When he saw an Egyptian beating an Israelite, fury arose. Why? Because he was a deliverer.

Rememer these 3 Wisdom Keys:
A. You cannot correct what you are unwilling to confront.
B. What you permit will always continue
C. Behavior permitted is behavior perpetuated or allowed to be continued

Next blog I'll reveal more clues to help you realize your God given assignment......

Shei Atkins

(Taken from Mike Murdock's "The Assignment"